Fixing Bella
by jessicasinclaire09
Summary: Bella is broken once Edward decides to leave her. Unexpectedly Edward returns almost begging to fix things. All at the same time everyone around her is changing, yet she can't seem to find one ounce of happiness anywhere. Will Edward be able to fix Bella, and help her find herself again or will Bella decide that is not what she wants?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Fixing Bella

Chapter 1

Authors note: First story hope you like it! I plan to update every Monday. WARNING: May not be for everyone. If you don't like it, please click away. I write for my fans, and for myself. Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer, I just borrow her characters. First chapter is short, the others will be longer once I start going.

EPOV

It's funny how one lie could ruin a persons life. Rather sad actually. I replayed the scene over and over in my head. My cruel words digging into her heart like a shovel in the dirt. That was a moment in time I regret every minute of everyday.

"_I am too good for you Bella, I protect you day in and day out. Yet in return you give me what? Nothing. My family and I are leaving Forks. Forever. We are not coming back. And honestly I don't want to. I can't even bare to look at you." I tell my sweet Isabella. I had to lie. It was the only way I could go. I HAD to hurt her._

"_Edward. Where is this coming from? I thought we were happy." Bella said trying to hold back he tears that she was keeping inside._

"_Isabella, it is for the best. I don't love you anymore. There is no need to stay and play with your heart, it is better to leave now." I said making my point clear. My lie._

"_Please, Edward. Let's talk about this. What did I even do?" she asked._

"_Nothing. You didn't do anything. I knew I should have left sooner. I'm sorry this is hurting you." I said trying to look past her eyes. It killed me to see her with tears._

"_Don't leave.." she said. The tears started to pour out. I see them rolling down her cheeks. _

"_This is goodbye Bella. I'm leaving. Just one more thing. Live your life, and move on from me. But please, please Isabella. Don't do anything reckless. I don't want you to get hurt." I said looking for an answer in her eyes. I was disappointed._

"_I'll always love you. Please can we talk?" She begged. _

"_Goodbye Isabella." I said giving her one last hug and kissing the top of her head. I took one last inhale of her scent. _

_After I let go I looked at her sympathetically, giving myself one last look before running at my vampire speed into the woods. I didn't make it far. As soon as I was out of her sight I went back I had to make sure she got home. _

_I hear her call out for me. Begging that I come back. This lasted for hours. I broke her. And it was all my fault. If I wasn't going to hell before I defiantly was now._

_I rushed home so we could pack the cars and leave. Carlisle gave his notice to the hospital two weeks ago his reason being that he thought other hospitals needed his help more than Forks did, as Forks was well off._

_By the time I reached my Volvo I was ready to go. Alice my sister was thoughtful enough to put all my things in my car. I thanked her for doing my packing, and said goodbye to everyone for a few days._

I jump back to the present moment. Putting my thoughts to the back of my head where they belonged. Yet somehow I knew they would be back soon. I looked out the window on the plane. Seeing the sky for miles. I was going back the one place I swore I would never return. Forks.

The plane landed in Seattle. I got my few bags of luggage, and rented a car. When I arrived at the car I put my bags in the back and put the keys in the ignition. The trip back to forks would take an estimated of 3 to 4 hours.

I made sure I hunted the day before I left, Still satisfied I enjoyed the scenery that was already embedded in my brain. Trees, nature itself. Washington was defiantly different from New York. I'm glad to enjoy this once more.

My thoughts about Bella crept back. Making me realize my whole reason for being here. I was obsessed. I loved her. And if I wanted to continue life here on earth, she was going to be with me. I knew I couldn't force her to love me all over again, but I am hoping with time she will.

As expected about three and a half hours later I was back. I drove through the town recognizing some people. Others must have been new. I drove back to my old home, curving through long road that didn't lead anywhere specifically.

The house looked that same as we left it. Although this time it was empty. I opened the garage and parked inside of it. I walked through the house white walls, white carpet. No paintings or décor. It was so plain. So boring.

Put all of my stuff in my old room. I had no furniture yet. I will have to call Alice and ask her to do it. I bet I could furnish the whole house about fifteen thousand dollars, give or take a little.

I stopped in my tracks. Bella. I need to see that she is okay. Well physically that is. I knew I royally fucked her up when I left. Alice always had visions, cliff diving, driving motorcycles or riding on the back of a strangers. It made my blood boil. The one thing I ask of her. Honestly I didn't think it was too much to ask. After all who wouldn't want to be safe.

I didn't know how to approach her. I couldn't just go up and say hello. My mind thought of many ways to approach her but all of them seemed so sudden. She hasn't heard from me in over six months, this was not going to be easy. Going into her life right now might not be good for her.

The first thing I did was whip out my phone. Maybe I could shoot a text. I retyped the same text over and over again. Well not the exact same. Just saying the same thing in different wording. After a few minutes of this I gave up. I needed a new approach.

My first instinct was to call Carlisle. He always knew what to do. Although I have never been in a situation like this. Screw it, I thought. He will have some advice. I pulled ,y phone back out of my pocket and proceeded to dial the number.

"Hello, Edward?" Carlisle's voice said from the other end.

"Yes, I made it to Forks. But I need some advise…" I said bluntly.

"What is it. I'm sure I can be of great help to you." He said. Carlisle was like a father to me. Technically he was my creator. But we have formed into a family. My mother being Esme, and even having four siblings to rely on.

"I need to see Bella. I want to see her, make sure she's okay. You know? I already know I fucked her up mentally. But I want to fix this and make it alright. I love her.." I said. I am hoping his advise will steer me in the right direction.

"Well, I am going to be honest. You screwed up. Probably in more ways than one. We went over that before you left. But you thought it was in her best interest if we disappeared from her life. You were just trying to protect her. Just go and be upfront with her. Send her flowers, buy her chocolate. Be you." Carlisle said. That was actually no help at all. But at least her tried, I will give him credit for that.

"Thanks, I'm sure I will think of something. I will call later on this week." I said as I hung up the phone.

I took everything Carlisle said into consideration. I decided to send her flowers. I wouldn't let her see me. I would just send them to her door. I pondered on what flower to send I wanted it to have meaning. Not just a dozen roses sent to her door. After a few minutes I decided upon the Freesia. It was to symbolize my faithfulness to her. Maybe this was a good idea.

I drove to the nearest flower shop in town. It was on the corner of two streets and I have only been there once before. I walked in and looked at all of the things they had. I waited in line after two people who were ordering flowers for some reason I don't not care. When it was my turn, I noticed the man helping me was old. And by his thoughts I could tell his wife just passed away.

"Good afternoon sir, is there anything I could help you with today?" The man asked.

"Yes, thank you. I need a single white Freesia." I said with a smile to the old man.

"Of course, May I ask, who is the lucky lady?" he said with curious eyes.

"Her name is Bella." I said answering his question.

"Very pretty, you remind me of myself." He said randomly.

"How? I am just buying flowers.." I said. I am curious to pick at his mind now.

"You messed up, and you want to make things right. Correct me if I'm wrong." the man said looking at me in the eyes.

"Well matter of fact, you are right. If you must know I left. And I cant stand to be away any longer. So I'm hoping this flower will break the ice.. I guess.." I said. I don't know why I was telling this man all of my problems. Something told me I had to.

"I understand. You see, my wife and I were together for 59 years. I have bought more flowers than I can count. One time we almost got divorced. But she was the love of my life.." the man said looking down. I saw his eyes turn sad. I felt sorry for him.

"Well everything is okay now? Right?" I asked knowing the answer to my own question.

"She passed away a week ago today. I am running this shop in her memory.. It meant the most to her." The man said. I could see his eyes light up a little. His thoughts told me he was reminiscing about the old times.

"I am terribly sorry for your loss. I don't know what I would do without Bella. She is the love of my life." I said in hopes to make him feel better.

"I will give you one piece of advice. Chase after her, You don't want to look back 50 years from now and know she was the one that got away. Tell her how you feel. In all my years of life I learned that you have to say these things. If you don't you will regret it. Can you promise me that? Don't let her go." The man said looking into my eyes as if he was begging.

"I promise. I plan to fix what is broken." I said with a smile.

After my chat with the old man, I noticed he was right all along. I may be older than him in years. But he lived a full life. And was much wiser than me. I planned to carryout his advice to the fullest.

I paid for the flower and knew exactly what I needed to do. I needed to give it to her in person. It was the only way she would believe they truly came from me.

I parked my rental car across the street. It sounded like I was as talker, but wanted to do it when nobody was home. I waited until her dad pulled out of the driveway with the police cruiser. He was going to be gone all night.

This was my chance now or never. I needed to fix this. I walked up to her door at normal speed. I stood there for a moment before I knocked. As soon as I knocked on the door I heard her footsteps on the other side. I saw her head peek around the corner.

Once the door was fully open she looked at me. She looked confused. She was the only one I couldn't read. It was like her mind shielded me from her thoughts.

I looked past her confusion and into her eyes. They drew my in like the first time I saw her. But she was not the same. She looked about twenty pounds thinner, her skin was paler and you could tell she didn't eat. Her eyes turned sad and she looked at me. Her lips were not the same color red as always, they faded. And it was my fault.

"Bella…"

Authors Note: Thank you all! Sorry for the cliffy, one of many to come. Next Tuesday chapter 2 will be posted. Any questions PM me.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: I deserve to die

Authors Note: Thank you all! It nice to know a few people actually too the time to read. So without further or due… here it is!

WARNING: Strong language. Gory subjects, Very slight spanking.

…

…

BPOV

He was all I had. The one who held me when I cried, He was the one who laughed at the small things in life. Yet at the same time he was the person who left me, and that was unforgivable.

When he left it was like a knife stabbed through my heart, like a shovel digging dirt. I was alone in the woods as well as in my own world. I sunk into a depression, turned to weed and alcohol, I stopped eating, and often pondered why I was even alive. Why I am here today is a miracle.

Now as I look at the same man standing on my doorstep who flipped my life around for the worse, I smile. I feel like all that I went though didn't even happen. Looking into his piercing green eyes, not having a word to say. What was there to say.. I loved him. He knows that.

"Bella, please say something.." Edward begged. He shows very little emotion, he wasn't designed to. He was a vampire.

"I missed you." I said, I wrap my arms around his torso. He drops the flowers he assumingly bought for me. I feel him breathe in my scent. I feel the tears coming on. But I hold them back, not now I thought, this is not the time.

"Bella, I.. I just.. I don't know what to say. I had to make sure you were still alive." He said.

"Of course I'm alive.. What on earth made you think that?" I asked confused by his question.

"Alice had a vision. I couldn't live on knowing I caused your death." he stated bluntly.

"Trust me, your not the only reason I would have died.." I said coldly. My feelings about Edward were changing. I loved him, but at the same time I was so angry.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked, in the domineering tone he used to use about seven months ago.

"Forget it. Why are you here, I thought I would never see you again?" I stated in question form.

"We need to talk Bella. Can I come in?" he asked.

"Whatever, Charlie wont be home for a few weeks. He's out on business." I said leading him in my house.

Before Edward came in, he picked up the flowers and set them on the coffee table in the living room. I sat in my dads recliner and motioned for him to sit on the couch.

We sat in silence for I don't know how long. It seemed like hours. In reality though it was only about five minutes before he spoke.

"Well I guess I'll start.. I'm sorry." he said looking at me to answer.

Sorry? He was sorry? A rush of anger came over me. He thinks that sorry could fix everything he did. Guess what Edward fucking Cullen, You have another thing coming.

"Are you serious? Sorry? that's all. Do you have any fucking idea what I've gone through? You know.. You cant just waltz back into someone's life that you fucked up and expect everything to be just awesome. Because its not. I loved you, I gave you my everything. And you have the nerve. _the nerve,_ to fucking say sorry. I cant even look at you…" I said turning my head in the direction of the window looking on the street.

"Bella, what do you want me to say? I'm honestly trying here. I know I fucked you up. I want to fix this. Can you please find it in your heart to let me fix this?! I can't live without you Isabella. I simply won't." He said.

"Saying sorry is trying? And what do you mean won't, you cant make me go back to you. I can do whatever the fuck I want.." I said.

_You should feel ashamed. You should feel like a bitch. He said sorry, he was trying. Everything can go back to normal now Bella. You know that's what you want _Said the voice in my head. The voice was right I did. But he won't get off that easy. He was getting pay back for everything. He is going to feel what I have felt.

"Saying I'm sorry is a good start. And don't worry about it." Edward said.

"Ok, we can work something out. You know I still love you. Nothing can change that. But to be honest, I have no trust in you. I have no sanity left in me to trust you." I said bluntly.

"I understand." was all he said before we went back to silence

EPOV

I was royally fucked. Bella was willing to try and love me again, she does love me. But will it ever be like before? I know for a fact that I would let her go, that is if she wanted. At the same time, I would feel like I loose a part of me. I am a vampire and I know I don't have actual feelings, But when it comes to Bella I feel human. I feel love, Sadness. Like my heart was able to beat once again.

I gave Bella some space. I let her sit in her room and cry. It killed me I hear the soft sobbing, smelling the tears as they left her eyes. Most of all knowing that once again I made her cry.

After ten more minutes I have had enough. Sitting down here doing absolutely nothing to calm her down. I went up to my feet to slowly walk up to my sweet Isabella.

That's when I smelt it.

Blood.

I ran to her room, and was there in 1.2 seconds. I didn't even bother knocking on her door. Turning the knob and forcing myself inside. Bella was on her bed. Eyes still filled with tears, and blood dripping off of her wrist onto her bedding. She looks at me and throws the razor she used to the opposite side of the room.

I felt a rush of anger inside of me.

"What the fuck are you doing Isabella Marie?!" I asked grabbing her shoulders in a light way. Not hurting her. I could never do that, well not abuse her. Emotionally I did.

"You did this you bastard!" She screamed into my face.

"No Bella, I did not. Lets get you cleaned up. Then we are going to talk." I said trying my best to keep my cool. I tried to push all of my anger towards her away, but I couldn't stand to see that sight again. Ever.

God knows how many times she has done this before. A part of me feel like I caused this. But to be frank, I was not going to feel guilty. Bella is smart enough to know what she's doing. Should could have gotten therapy when the first urged arrived.

I took her to her bathroom and bandaged both of her wrists. My reasoning, she was not cutting again. And I could assure her of that. I took her back to her bedroom, made her change into some pajamas. I sat with her on her bed before I spoke.

"Explain. Now." was all I said. I was getting to the bottom of this, so I was sure it wont happen again.

"I thought you were gone.." She told me. Once again trying to conceal my anger towards this situation.

"I'm not leaving you again. And that's not an explanation.." I said.

"Well, I needed to feel the pain. It makes me feel better." She said as if it was normal.

"Isabella. I'm not kidding. This is serious and if you treat this like a fucking joke I shit you not you will not sit for three months." I said. Then it hit me. Fuck. Did I just threaten to spank her? The thought of it seemed pretty good though. Maybe she would get the message.

"Am I laughing? I know this is wrong. But I need it. It makes me feel like I'm in a whole new world. Like the shit you put me through doesn't even matter…" Bella said.

"Do not pin this whole episode on me. Yes I fucked you up emotionally. I know. I think about it every second of the damn day. But self harm? Seriously Isabella? I know you are smarter than that. Why haven't you gotten help?" I asked. Fair enough question.

"I deserve it. I deserve to _DIE. _You left me. And I don't know why. I did something wrong. And this is my way to pay for it. I don't even deserve to live and you know it.." She cried. Once again tears pouring down her face.

"Stop! Why I left had nothing to with anything you did! You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I swear Isabella, I want to fix this. And I'm not leaving your side until I do. Especially after this! And don't even think.. Don't think you deserve to die. There are so many people who love you. I love you." I said.

"But you didn't love me. That's why you left in the first place.. that's what you said.." She whispered. I'm going to hell.

"I lied. I had to. There was no way you would believe me unless I lied.." I said admitting the truth.

"What did you lie about?…" She asked confusion in the tone of her voice.

"I love you. I loved you when I left. I thought I was protecting you by leaving…" I said looking her in the eyes.

"That's shit." She said looking away from me.

"Excuse me?" I said raising an eyebrow. She turned her head back to me.

"That's. Shit." She said saying one word at a time.

"Isabella, Baby. Please. There is nothing more on this earth I live for more than you. You know that." I said looking her in the eyes only to be turned away from again.

"I'm calling Carlisle. We are getting you help." I said pulling out my phone.

"NO!" Bella said whipping her body towards me grabbing my phone. I was shocked. I didn't anticipate her doing that.

"Bella give me the phone. We are going to find you a therapist." I said. She needed help and she was going to get it.

"No, I don't need help! I can fix this anytime I want.." she said looking away. I know that I could always grab the phone out of her hand. But I didn't want to force her to give it to me. She needed to realize why I want her to get help first.

"Figure out why I want to help you and then give me my phone back." I said walking to the chair to the other side of the room. Sitting down.

We sat for about ten minutes. She got up and gave me my phone back.

"Call him." she whispered. Trying to hold back the tears in her eyes.

I dialed Carlisle's cell number and got an answer within three rings.

It was a brief conversation. As he was a doctor he recommended therapists. I agreed with him and told him how Bella felt about it. Soon enough he convinced me she won't hate me for it. I decided that she could talk to Carlisle, after all I'm sure Bella would be more comfortable if it were someone she knew.

I hung up the phone, only to see Bella looking at me. More like intently staring. But whatever.

"Carlisle's flying down he will be here tomorrow. You can talk to him." I said trying to put on a small smile.

"Fine, but just so you know, you can stick me in a room with him for an hour or so. I don't care. But that doesn't mean I will talk." She said looking away.

"So stubborn." I said kissing her head and going down stairs.

I decided to make her some supper. I didn't know much about cooking. But pasta was easy. I made some spaghetti with sauce as well as some bread I found in the bread box. When the meal was on the plate I brought it upstairs to Bella.

I knocked on her door and waited for an answer. I didn't get one. I knew she was in there. So I opened the door anyways.

"Go away." She said not looking up from the book she was reading.

"I made you dinner. You need to eat." I said.

"Okay, leave it on my desk." She said once again not looking up at me.

"Alright." I said putting the plate on her desk. Once I did I then went to sit on her bed.

I waited for about 20 minutes while Bella was engrossed in her book. Her meal untouched.

"It's going to get cold.." I said.

"It will be fine. God. Can't I just be alone for about three fucking hours?" she asked.

"Nope." I said with a laugh.

"Why are you laughing? I'm fucking pissed." Bella said finally looking up at me.

"Because I find it funny that you think I would leave you alone after earlier." I said truthfully.

"Shut up." she said putting her book down to eat.

It took her a total of fifteen minutes to eat. She put the plate back on the desk. She told me to get out so she could get into pajamas. One minute later she allowed me back into her room.

"I'm sorry…" Bella said hugging me tight.

"It's okay. I love you." I said returning the hug.

"Lets go to bed love, you need to be up early." I said leading her over to the bed.

"Alright…" She said, hesitant.

I pulled the covers over us and she clinged onto me like it was her life. I let her. I was laying there for only fifteen minutes before I heard her breathing slow and she was asleep. I relaxed a little knowing she could at least dream, and I couldn't invade it. That I could give her space.

BPOV

_The sun was starting to set. The sky was various shades of pink and orange. Rather pretty. My cheeks were cold and I could see my breath when I exhaled. I saw a blanket of snow covering the ground and the trees. Then I realized I was in the woods. Looking into a field._

_I was suddenly scared. I was alone, and felt like I was being watched. I stood still contemplating what to do. I heard noises around me, like cracking sticks and birds chirping. _

"_Ah. Isabella." I heard in a strange accent that I have only heard once before._

_Laurent. _

"_Your lover is not with you I see. All alone. In the woods. What a treat." He whispered in my ear._

_I felt a cold rush of air go by me. Off in the distance I heard a evil sadistic laugh._

"_Still so pretty.." he said as he appeared across the field._

"_It's a shame Edward didn't take you for himself. I know I would have." He said with a smug smile. _

"_Tell me why he left. I enjoy a good tale.." He said trailing off before a burst of laughter._

"_Go away." I said keeping my voice strong. I was afraid. I was going to die._

"_Sorry Isabella, your mine now." He said before he grabbed my neck violently, and was about to bite._

"BELLA!" Edward yelled waking me.

"What?" I asked.

"You were screaming, and I dint know what to do. So I woke you up.." Sounding relieved.

"Oh sorry, Bad dream." I said with a small laugh.

"You want to talk about it?" He asked.

"Nah, I just want to go back to bed." I said snuggling closer to him

I awoke the next morning to Edward stroking my hair. I still felt tired but I figured it was time to get up. Blinking my eyes to get used to the sunlight coming in from the window.

"Did you sleep okay?" Edward asked first off.

"Yeah.. I'm going to take a shower." I said getting off from him and going to the bathroom.

"Okay." He said as I walked out of my room.

I grabbed all of the stuff I needed form the bathroom closet. Towels, soap, etc. I turned of the water as hot as it could go. It was a little too hot, but I didn't care. I needed it.

The water pouring down my back making me wince at temperature. After a few minutes I got used to it, and proceeded to wash myself. Starting with my hair and moving on to my body. In all reality I would have been done in five minutes. But this was the only time of day I had to myself. Nobody looking, better yet staring, at me.

I didn't want to take too long, so I hurried up and got out. The bandages around my wrists were all soaked. So I tried prying them off. I couldn't. Damn it Edward put these on like they couldn't ever come off. But like he said they weren't supposed to.

I regret the day I slashed my skin for the first time. I knew better. I was in a bad place at the time. Being all alone and what not. I blame everything on Edward now. But it wasn't always that way.

I hear voices in my head, not like a split personality disorder. The kind of voices that tell me why I deserve to die. _Your too ugly,_ they say. _Nobody would ever love a worthless piece of shit, _they say. _Go kill yourself, _they say. Then I listen real close to the voice. It's me. I keep telling myself these things.

My thoughts were soon interrupted when Edward knocked on the door.

"Bella, you alright in there?" He asked concerned.

"Yeah, I'm good. I need to change." I said walking out in my towel.

"Give me a sec?" I asked politely.

"As long as you need." He said opening my bedroom door for me.

I put on some jeans and a black tank top. Took my hair out of the towel and brushed it to let it dry. I looked somewhat okay and went to find Edward. He was in the kitchen looking through the cupboard.

"Cereal will be okay.." I said with a small smile.

"Alright, anything for you." He said getting the stiff he needed.

He set my meal in front of me. Lucky charms. Whatever I don't even care.

"We are going to see Carlisle today." Edward said. I put down my spoon and just looked at my breakfast.

"No." I said softly.

"Yes, sweetheart.. You have to." He said in his voice. I couldn't even capture his tone.

"I wanna stay here." I said shutting the tears out of my eyes.

I'm not talking about the past half year. I wont.

"Your going, you know very well I will drag you there kicking and screaming." Edward said. This time he was stern.

"You just might have to." I said bluntly.

"So stubborn." He said as he waited me to finish breakfast.

My hair dried and I brushed it through again. I put on some makeup. Maybe so I could look somewhat normal. Other than sickly white and vitamin deprived.

"Ready?" Edward asked taking my waist in his arms.

"Nope." I said pulling away. He pulled me closer.

"Don't fight me on this please.." He whispered.

"I can't help it…." I replied softer than him.

Edward put me in his car. I tried to get out when he got in the driver side but to my luck, child safety lock. Asshole. I didn't think they put it in the front. What the hell did he do?

"Asshole." I said to his face.

"Sorry Isabella. I knew you would do that." He said with a small laugh.

"Like I said, asshole." I snapped back. He sped off while I decided to look out of the window.

We drove through the curvy roads to his house. Everything on the way looked the same as it did before. Not a tree out of place. Finally we reached his driveway. I was beginning to feel sick. Was this really happening?

"Calm down Isabella, it's only an hour or so." Edward said taking my hand for reassurance.

"Or so? Only and hour or 'so'?" I asked.

"Yes, depends on how well you do." Edward answered honestly.

"Why waste the time?" I asked sarcastically.

"You know why, please drop the attitude. I'm getting very short tempered right now." He said calmly.

"Not like you have the balls to actually spank me…" I whispered. Calling out his threat from yesterday.

"When we get home you will see how much 'Balls' I have. So I suggest you cooperate unless you want it to be worse.." He said looking in my eyes. His were black. And not golden like a few minutes earlier.

"Yeah, okay Mr. know it all." I said getting out of the car.

"When will you learn?" he said, landing a swat on my ass.

"Probably never." I said as he slapped it again. This time it actually hurt. I guess we will see.

Oh Carlisle, I hate to be so disrespectful. But this whole therapy thing won't work. I thought to myself over and over again. Nobody can make me talk.

Authors note: What does everybody think? I would like some feedback. See you all next week!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Therapy and Tanned behinds

Authors Note: LOOK TWO CHAPTERS IN TWO DAYS! I think this story is doing well, so I will be continuing it! I have a pretty good idea on where everything is going, so I hopefully won't be late on updates! (knock on wood). Anyways I thank each and everyone of you for supporting me with this story and hope you stay along for the ride! Here she is!

WARNING: Strong language, Gory Topics, Spanking (Read At Own Risk)

…

…

BPOV

Fuck. If I know Edward the way I think I do, he never gives empty threats. He was going to spank me.. I never had a spanking before, well not a real one. Maybe a few swats on the ass as a kid. But who hasn't? Edward has always been old fashioned and before shit went down he has threatened to punish me. I always thought he was kidding. Until one day he said I was 'Pushing it'.

Hmm maybe therapy was a good idea. The longer we were here. The longer I had to think of a way to get out of punishment.

Got it!

Do amazing in therapy and he will forget all about it. Well, not forget. But hold off because I did well. Damn, I do amaze myself.

"Hello Isabella. It's nice to see you again." Carlisle said with a smile. I was glad to see him, apart from Edward he was greatly missed,

"Hello, it's nice to see you too." I said politely with a smile.

"We should take this to my office. Son, why don't you go hunting. You need to." Carlisle said.

"I'll be back as quick as I can." Edward said hugging me before whispering 'Be good.' and he was off.

I looked at Carlisle awkwardly. What was I supposed to say? _"Hi vampire who left and has now returned, lets talk about personal stuff!" _I laughed to myself.

I walked up to Carlisle office, which was in the same spot it used to me. All of his furniture wasn't there like before. But there was a desk and a few comfy looking chairs. I sat in the chair opposite of Carlisle and looked through the window behind him. I never noticed how pretty everything was apart from the house. It was like a dream.

"Well Isabella, we should get started.." Carlisle said taking me out of my thoughts.

"Alright, what do I do?" I asked.

"First off I should explain how this works. I will keep a notebook, and will write all of our conversation down. Don't worry everything is between us. Later when you leave I will analyze it and we can figure out a plan that works for You, Edward and myself to get your life back to where it was. Is that okay?" He explained.

"Simple enough.." I said trying to avoid eye contact.

"Edward has already warned me that you don't want to be here, so lets talk about that first. Why are you against therapy?" Carlisle asked.

"I don't know. I always thought therapy was for loons. I'm not insane, maybe decisions I made while Edward was gone were not so great, but everyone makes mistakes.." I said trying to open up as little as possible. I looked up while Carlisle finished writing what I said. It didn't take him very long. I never noticed how fast vampires could write. Neat.

"Bella, sometimes mistakes can be bigger than we realize. What might not seem like a big deal to you could be a big deal to somebody else." Carlisle said as I nodded.

"I can see that, And I do understand why I am here. Also I would like to apologize to avoiding the subject, and wasting your time. I just don't like talking about it.." I said.

"Understandable. It might take a few sessions to get a hold on this. But together we can get though whatever it is we need to. And just so you know, this is my job. You Can't waste my time." Carlisle told me. Adding a small chuckle.

"Yeah.." I said once again avoiding eye contact to look out the window instead.

"Can you tell me why you are here?" Carlisle asked. Well that was a bold question if I must say.

"Whoah, that's a little deep isn't it? Can we start with something smaller?" I asked.

"If you want to, what might you suggest?" He answered with a question.

"Oh I don't know.. Feelings?" I asked

"Sure, how about when Edward returned? How did you fell about it or him?" Carlisle asked,

"Oh where to start. Honestly I wanted to kill him. I wanted to rip him apart and burn the pieces. But then again, I wanted to hold on to him. I need him. Nobody understands what I have gone through. How I coped. Anything." I said shaking my head.

"But you know what's even worse of me, I want him to feel what I felt. Loose something that means everything to him. That's just sick." I continued.

"I don't understand. I never will. But you have to understand Edward as well. Talk to him, figure out why he left, and so on." Carlisle said.

"So you take his fucking side?!" I shouted.

"All Edward does is apologize! I'm sick of hearing it! If he would just shut up and explain himself I wouldn't be here." I said simply enough.

"Your feelings are normal." Carlisle said.

"No they are not! I want to die and make him feel the pain I had! I want to watch him suffer." I said. I sounded cold. Like a voice in me was saying something I never could have.

"Why is that?" Carlisle said making sure everything was written down.

"Because I love him.." I said. God if he keeps going I'm going to loose it and cry.

"You want him to suffer but you love him? Am I right?" He asked.

"Yes! Exactly. What the fuck is wrong with me…?" I asked.

"Nothing is wrong with you Bella, Your just confused." Carlisle stated.

"No shit.." I said with a small chuckle.

"So how are we going to fix this?" I asked.

"My idea is to give you a journal. I want you to write in it everyday. You can write about whatever you want." Carlisle said.

"I don't know, I've never been much to keeping a journal or diary.. I can try. It might take some getting used to." I said. I really hated journals and diaries. don't get me wrong I like to write just not about me.

"Just try, I think you might even grow to love it." Carlisle smiled at me.

"Alright. Can we be done now. Lets move into therapy gradually?" I said as more of a question.

"If that's what you need, then yes. I like to keep it to an hour per session. It's only been about 25 minutes. And since this is your first session we will stop it here." Carlisle said. I was glad we could cut this short.

"Oh, by the way. Thank you. You were always like a second father to me. This means a lot." I said to know him that I was at least appreciate what he's doing.

"As you were like another daughter. I don't know if Edward told you, but we are all coming back. The rest of the family should be here next week." Carlisle said as we walked out of his office.

"Oh, it will be nice to see them again." I said putting on a fake smile. I was actually kind of scared.

I walked around the house. Not to much was there yet. I'm sure once Alice gets here everything will be placed perfectly, like before. I went to Edwards old room last. It wasn't that big. Well bigger than my room. Just compared to everyone else's room, it was small. Then again, he was the only one aside from Carlisle and Esme with a bathroom. Like they even need it!

"Hello Isabella." Edward said coming from behind. I was taken off guard.

"Shit, you scared me! God, don't do that" I said taking a deep breath.

"Sorry baby, Lets go back to your house. We have some business to attend to.." he said grabbing my ass.

"We do? I just plan in taking a nap.." I said avoiding the topic of discussion.

"After we talk." He said as he carried me to the car.

The car ride took way less time than necessary. I swear Edward was trying to speed this time. We pulled up the my house. Looking the same as it always did. Edward helped me out of my side of the car and we went inside.

"I'm beat. Therapy takes a number on me. I'm going to bed." I said making my way up the stairs.

"Don't fall asleep, I will be up in a minute." Edward said with a knowing look.

I sat on my bed for about ten minutes. I looked around the room. I needed to make a few changes. I had stuff from when I was four. I had drawings, and crafts. I wanted it gone. It looked immature to me.

"Let's talk" Edward said. Coming on to the opposite side of the bed.

"Okay, might as well." I said sniggling up to him.

"Well what do you have to say for yourself?" Edward asked.

"What do you mean. I haven't done anything?" I asked.

"Excuse me? Your attitude? I think it needs a little adjustment. And the fact that you tried to get out of therapy. That's for your own good and you know it." Edward said. He sounded like my father. Asshole.

"No, your wrong. My attitude is just fine. Thank you." I said trying to move out of his grip. He let me get some distance, but not much. I completely avoided the therapy comment.

"Sorry, Isabella. You have been nothing but just flat out disrespectful. I understand your right to be mad. But when is it going to end?" He asked. He was calm strangely calm.

"If I wanted to be disrespectful I would have intended everything I said. Sometimes the wrong shit slips out and comes off that way. I'm not the same Bella anymore you know?" I said as politely as possible. Yeah, probably not that polite.

"I don't see it like that. You always find a way to remind me I fucked up. And I'm not going to be treated this way any longer." He said firmly.

"Whatever." I said completely getting out of his grasp and turning away.

"See, attitude. Right there." He pointed out.

"I just don't feel like arguing. Can I take a nap now?" I asked.

"No, I am going to deal with this." He said looking at me.

"There is nothing to deal with. I am not getting spanked. You have no right. So please leave me alone for two fucking hours?" I said a little harsher than I intended.

"You are getting spanked so stop trying to delay it. After your spanking I will let you rest for a few hours." He said standing up.

"No, you are not. I'm not a child. Children get spanked. Not teenagers." I said. I was starting to get a little scared. What does a spanking even feel like?

"You are acting like a child. Please don't make me come get you." he said as he sat in the chair across the room.

"NO! It's going to fucking hurt. You cant do it. You hate seeing me cry.." I said. HA I got him beat on that one.

"Its suppose to hurt. That's the whole point. And yes I hate seeing you cry, but its for your own good." He spat back.

"Well you will have to come get me. I'm not moving." I said turning away from him.

"So stubborn." Edward said.

I heard him get up and walk over to me. I looked up at him he looked so disappointed. I moved across to the other side of the bed. He followed. We had an intense ten seconds of staring before he grabbed for my arm to pull me up.

"Your punishment will be added on to now." Edward said taking me over to the chair while I stood to the side of him.

"Tell me why your being punished." He asked.

"Because you're an asshole." I stated.

Before I could process what I said I was staring at the floor. I felt five hard swats to my ass me yelping at each and every one of them. I was over his knee, and my ass was high in the air. As if he thinks I will bow down and kiss his feet. Asshole.

"Try again." He said.

"Your still an asshole nothing has changed." I laughed at him.

This time ten swats were delivered. I could feel my eyes watering, but I wasn't backing down. I would be over his knee all night if I had to. I wasn't going to cry, nor was I going to submit to him.

"Would you like to change your answer?" He asked again.

"Would you like to let me the fuck go?" I asked right back at him.

"Not a chance." He said back.

This time fifteen sharp slaps were handed onto my ass. Every time getting stronger in intensity. I almost started to cry, but I was able to hold off. God I never knew a spanking would hurt so much.

"Well Isabella, I am assuming your answer hasn't changed. If I were you I would change my answer pretty damn quick, because I will do this all night if I have to." Edward said with one more slap.

I didn't say anything. I had nothing to say. Simple as that.

"Would you like me to tell you why you are here Isabella?" Edward said, after I opted to ignore him.

"I can't stop you.." I said with a laugh.

"We will see how long you are laughing." Edward said sarcastically returning my laugh.

"You are here because you have been nothing but disrespectful for the past day. At first I understood, but now you are getting ridiculous. So to change your attitude, you are here over my knee getting what you need." Edward said.

"And you're an asshole, you forgot that part.." I said.

My comment was ignored as Edward delivered about ten swats to my ass.

"If you are done acting like a child I will continue this spanking the right way." Edward said.

"You haven't even started?!" I yelled.

"Nope, those few little swats will feel like a massage in about ten seconds. Now, I want you to count them out you are getting twenty. If you miss one we will start over." Edward said.

I thought for a moment. Just do the twenty? Or make him give up? Seeing how this threat was not empty he was not going to back down before me. As much as I hate to admit it, I might need to submit.

"Okay.." I said sounding a little defeated.

SLAP. "One." I said coldly.

SLAP "Two."

SLAP "Three."

"Very well so far, you attitude is already changing." Edward said giving another swat.

SLAP. "Four." I winced. The pain to my ass was getting worse. I bet if was black and blue.

More slaps were handed down and I counted every one of them.

SLAP. "Nineteen." I breathed out. I was on the verge of tears. I was not going to try.

SLAP. "Twenty." I said with relief.

Edward helped me off of his lap.

"You know I hated that as much as you did." he said holding my hips looking up at me.

"Doubt it." I said.

"Bella, I love you and if I ever need to do this again I wont hesitate. Understand?" He asked.

"Yes. Sorry I was kind of bitchy…" I muttered out. It killed me to say it, but I had to. It felt right.

"It happens baby, try not to have so much attitude. You can voice your opinions without being rude." HE said.

"I know. Can I sleep now?" I asked.

"Yes, I think that's a good idea." Edward said.

I was able to change into pj's but this time I looked at my ass. It wasn't black and blue like I thought just red. And it would go away in a few days. Putting on pj pants was a lot harder than I thought and then I just decided to go without. I put on a thong since it wouldn't touch my ass and I crawled into bed.

"Edward, you can come in now." I said.

"All dressed?" he asked before actually looking around.

"Sort of, I'm not sleeping with pants." I said. Edward laughed at that as he laid down next to me.

"Not funny. Spanking fucking hurt." I said playfully slapping him.

"You earned it yourself!" He said, still with a small chuckle.

"Asshole.." I said in a playful manner getting a playful swat to with it.

"Ow.. That hurt." I said getting under the covers to get warm.

"You will be okay, night." Edward said shutting off the bedside lamp.

"Yeah I will, night." I said before drifting off to sleep.

Authors Note: I am working on the next chapter, expect it next Tuesday (original time). Thanks again for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Writing in a journal causes confusion

Authors note: Most of this story will be in Bella's POV, the reason I started with Edward in the first chapter was to give you guys an idea on where he was coming from. Just putting that out there before anyone asks. Thanks for reading here she is! Maybe it's a little later than preferred but hey, it's still Tuesday!

…

…

BPOV

I never thought I was possible to hate sitting. Although, today I discovered a whole new world. I also discovered a new enemy. Hard. Wood. Chairs. There we not many in my house and I was thankful for that, but then I come to realize even the couch or recliner hurts.

"Edward, I can't sit…" I complained.

"Haha, I remember my first spanking. It will only be for a day or so." Edward laughed at me.

"I hope its better tomorrow." I said with a frown while I lounged on my side on the couch.

I ate some toast and a small fruit salad. And it was pretty good. I knew Edward was trying to get me to gain weight. He didn't tell me that himself, but giving me extra large portions as well as unhealthy foods gives it away. Sneaky bastard.

"Bella, I was thinking we could get you your journal today. There is a stationary store right in town. I bet they have one." Edward said with enthusiasm.

"Alright. that's fine." I said. Honestly I was pissed. I hated writing in a journal. Always have always will.

"Let me get changed and we can go." I said finishing up the last few bites and throwing on some clothes. I didn't bother with a shower, after all I would be back in twenty minutes. Like I would see anyone I knew or even liked for that matter.

"I'm ready." I said waiting by the door.

"Lets go love." Edward said waking me to the passenger side of the car.

We drove for three minutes until we arrived right smack dab in the middle of town. I saw a few people out. But nobody I knew well.

We rushed into the store and we started to look at opposite ends of the store. Edward went straight for stationary paper while I went towards the journal section.

"Find one?" Edward asked sneaking up behind me.

"Fuck.." I breathed out slowly, but it caught Edward attention while he lightly tapped my ass so nobody would notice.

"Ow, really? you scared me." I turned around and whispered.

"We are in public, don't cuss." Edward said giving me the eye.

"Fine… I like this one." I said picking up a black leather journal with a lock.

"Alright, it looks good, are you ready?" He asked.

"Yeah.." I said handing him the item and waiting for him to pay.

Edward paid for the journal and we made out way back to my house. Like before the ride only took a short while. I carried the small plastic bag that had the journal in it and Edward and I made our way to the living room.

"When am I supposed to write in it?" I asked flipping through the empty pages.

"Well, whenever you want. As long as you have something to show Carlisle next time." Edward answered.

"Oh, that makes sense." I said flipping the pages once more.

I had feelings. But I couldn't explain them. It was like a mix. I could feel one way at one moment but then at the snap of a finger I felt completely opposite. Was this something I should write in my journal? My journal. I hated thinking that. After a few minutes I came to a decision that I should write something.

"I'm going up to my room to write in my journal… I should at least get something in before the next session." I said with a smile. Edwards face lit up to my words.

"Alright, I will be down here." Edward said as I made my way to the place I call my bedroom.

Sitting on my purple comforter, with a pen in hand as well as my journal opened to the very first page. I guess the first thing to do would be to date the page. Fuck.. What was the date.

I grabbed the laptop that was only about five feet away and looked in the calendar. Today was in fact, November Twenty Third. I closed out and opened the web browser. I surfed the web for a while, looking at Amazon and Facebook. As usual nothing new, then I looked at the time and realized that I wasted about twenty five minutes.

I better get started. I thought to myself.

The laptop was set down next to me on the bed. For the third time looking at an empty page. Only to have the date written on it seconds later.

_November twenty third_

_Well this whole writing my feelings is all new to me, but I'm just going to go with it. Honestly, I am hurt beyond belief. Edward coming back has resurfaced so many feeling I have had the moment he left. The biggest feeling being confusion. When Edward left I thought it was so sudden. After all we were laughing and talking about the future barely 24 hours before. I feel like it was something I said. Maybe something I did. _

_The first few months I blamed myself. In a way I blamed myself the whole entire time. I turned to things that were not the healthiest ways of coping. The again, my unhealthy ways is what got me to therapy in the first place. I didn't mention it in the first session for reasons I don't understand. It could have been anywhere to being embarrassed about how stupid the whole ordeal was or just the fact that I still think about doing it. _

_I know I'm sick. I feel like I'm critically insane. I love the way the blade feels gliding across my wrist. And the first spot of red drives me to cut even more. _

_You know what? Writing about cutting made me realize a part of why I cut in the first place. Edward. I thought to myself that if I cut Edward would come back. I always had a theory, its kind of silly. I would see Edward. I would see him almost everywhere I went. When I came to the realization that when I was about to do something dangerous, I would see him. I craved danger after that. I thought he was lurking in the woods or something. When I figured out it was only my imagination a part of me didn't care. If I saw Edward who cared what would happen._

_I didn't care what would happen to me. I didn't think anyone else would either. My dad was gone almost every night. I tried to deny it but he has a girlfriend. Her name is Sue. You probably know her. She lived on the reservation with Jacob. It was like I lived alone. And I was okay with that._

_The worst time I have ever cut was the time Edward was watching, it was also the first time I cut. I remember it at least once everyday. If not more. I rather not write details. I'm not ready to talk about that. _

_After my cutting, I began to starve myself. I know how original. Something about a girl starving herself after a break up seems so common. But its when you go through it you feel all alone. I had reasons for that to. And keep in mind, my reasons are not excusable by any means. I was in a tough place and if weather or not you understand is not my problem. _

_I was hungry. All the time. Morning, noon and night. It wasn't like I lost my appetite. I felt like not eating would be some sort of punishment. I told myself I didn't deserve to have all the luxuries that everyone else got. And food was a luxury. I are maybe about 100 if not less calories per day. There was one time I didn't eat for two whole days before I cracked and picked up a burger at a fast food place. Not long after I threw it up. I will have you know I was not bulimic by any means. Maybe it was the fact that I was not used to eating so much at once or I don't even know. But after that, I realized I needed to stop depriving myself. _

_I ate again. Slow but sure I built myself back up to three meals every day. I always picked a healthy choice. A light breakfast, a light ,lunch and eventually a full blown supper. I had to say I was much happier after that._

_But then the cutting became worse. I still have scars that will never be able to go away. I am not necessarily proud of them either. There are three on each wrist. Two on one and three on the other remain scars but one. One. One of them is fresh. I did it the night Edward came back, or maybe it was the day after. I always have a hard time remembering, some thing about cutting myself puts me in a haze. Its difficult to explain. _

_Edward was at my side not even ten seconds after the slash. He bandaged it up. As well as my other wrist. The reason for that, so I wouldn't cut that too. Edward was mad. I knew he was. He didn't say much, I don't think he could to be honest. But I do remember his words._

"_Isabella. I'm not kidding. This is serious and if you treat this like a fucking joke I shit you not you will not sit for three months." He said to me._

_Yes, Edward threatened to spank me, and from different reasons above. I guess this is a good time to talk about this subject. Maybe I will wait until you finish reading this. _

_I do want Edward to feel bad about it though. I know he did it out of love. So, I guess I am not mad about that. Although I thought I put up one hell of a fight!_

_Anyways, I don't have anymore to say right now. I guess we will talk about everything in here.. _

It took me an a little over an hour to write my feelings in a few short paragraphs. I took many pauses to think, to cry, and to be honest with myself. I guess you could say I am trying. Writing things about the last seven months was not very easy and I'm sure there is more to write. But for now, that is all I'm wiling to say.

"Bella?" Edward said as he knocked on my door.

"Yeah?" I said wiping the last few tears off of my face. Closing my journal as well as locking it.

"I am assuming you just finished? Am I right?" He asked poking his head in the door.

"Yes, just now actually. You can come in." I said with a smile setting my journal aside.

Edward sat on the bed next to me. I scooted closer to him. I just wanted to snuggle. That was a reasonable request I thought. Edward and I were as close as ever at the moment, well physically that is. I was clinging to him like my life depended on it. I guess there is irony in that. I was clinging to him for my life. If he didn't come back I don't know where I would be in the next few months.

"Your beautiful." Edward whispered while kissing my temple.

"Thank you, Can I ask you something?' I said. I guess now was a good of time as any to say what I needed to say.

"Anything for you." Edward said.

"Where were you in the seven months you were gone?" I asked.

"My family and I went to our cousins in Alaska, The Denali's. Why do you ask?" Edward said in all honesty.

"Oh, umm I was just wondering." I lied. Yes I did want to know. But at the same time I wanted, no, I needed more answers.

"Alright. Is there anything else you want to ask? I will be honest about everything." He told me pulling me close. Yeah closer. Like that was possible.

"No, well yes. But not now. I want to sleep." I said shutting my eyes.

I shut my eyes. I felt like I was going to burst into tears. I didn't really have a reason to. Just a sudden urge of sadness overcame my body. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Bella? Are you okay, your heart rate is picking up.." Edward said concerned.

"I will be fine." I lied again. Jesus, why am I telling white lies?

"No, I am concerned. What's on your mind?" Edward said.

"N-Nothing, I'm f-f-fine." I stuttered.

"Bella, baby, please talk to me." He begged. He sounded so concerned. The tears were unstoppable. I let them pour down my face willingly. There was no telling what I would say.

"I can't. I don't trust you!" I blurted out. I feel like there were more tears than I thought.

"Tell me why Bella." He asked. He wasn't harsh. Nor concerned. He was rather calm.

"Because you left me! No reason, It was like you were here and then you were gone! You told me you would always love me. But boy was I wrong. I couldn't even wrap my head around what you were saying before you left. I couldn't even try to get you to stay! So Edward… you tell me why?! Its seriously killing me." I said. It was in tones of ups and downs. I could barely talk. But I knew he caught everything I was saying.

"Bella relax. I can tell you everything. Just calm down a little. I want you to really listen." Edward said.

We sat for a few minutes. The crying stopped. And the tears still lingered on my face, they were dried and felt uncomfortable. I took a deep breath before I spoke.

"Okay, I'm calm." I said.

"Are you sure? If you need another minute.." Edward said unsure of my emotions.

"I'm fine.. Please, continue." I said.

"Alright, bare with me and ask anything when I finish okay?" he asked

"Yeah. I will." I said. I needed these answers.

"I left because I love you. I wanted to protect you. After that whole Jasper thing, I was torn. I know the situation seemed silly to you, but that's one thing you don't understand. What if Jasper wasn't the only one to loose control that night? Huh? I wouldn't be able to protect you from my entire family. It just wouldn't be possible. And one slip, all it takes is one Isabella, to kill you. And if you were dead, it would be like I died all over again." He said.

"Do you understand everything I have said so far?" Edward asked.

"Yes, is there anything else?" I asked.

"Yes there is." Edward said taking a pause.

"I felt like if I left I was protecting you. If there were no vampires around you, you would be safe… Also another perk to it was you would get a chance at a normal life. I was taking that from you, and being here right now is also taking that from you. You know how I feel about changing you. This is not a life you want. I walk around this earth everyday like I have for the past 109 years. I don't eat, and I don't sleep. I can't cry or feel physical pain…" He paused.

"I'm dead Bella. I don't want to let you live like I do. It's not a gift or anything like that. A real life for you is all I want. Its all I will ever want." He said.

"To me Edward, it's not even about being like you anymore. Honestly in these past seven months I just need you. For now. Before I even think about becoming a vampire, at all, I need become myself again. I've changed Edward, and it's not okay." I assured him.

"Alright. I am happy to hear you say that. Do you understand why I left now?" He asked.

"Edward I don't think I ever will, But then again, I will always try." I said. I was happy to get something out of him.

"Isabella, you may not feel this way now, but I love you. I always have. Promise me you wont ever forget that?" Edward asked.

"I know that now." I said with a smile.

"Hey Edward?" I asked.

"Yes?" he said.

"I love you too." I said. There I said it. And I sure as hell meant it. Maybe I loved him more right now than I did ever. But I don't know. I'm still so confused.

After this afternoon and evening, I defiantly have more to add to my journal.

Authors Note: Thanks for reading! Hope to see you all next week!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Running from the vampires, werewolves, and myself

Authors Note: Thanks again! I feel as is the last chapter was not as good as it could have been, but I'm hoping to make up for it in this one. As I am writing this when I should and not on the update day. Anyways enough rambling, here she is!

BPOV

"Edward, I don't know if I want to see them…" I truthfully stated.

The rest of the Cullen's were returning to Forks today, I don't know if I can handle it. I mean, I missed them all. At the same time they left. Just like Edward. Edward gave me his reasoning, and I am trying to accept it. But what was their reasons? Because Edward said so.. I know it's true. I feel it.

"Bella, they're looking forward to seeing you. You don't want to be rude and not come tonight do you?" Edward asked. He was trying to guilt me into going. We were having dinner. Well, I was having dinner while all the Cullen's watched me. At first it was awkward but I got used to it. I bet this time will be awkward.

"I don't think we have to worry about me being rude, I'm just worried I will say the wrong thing.. Or something along those lines." I told him. Half of that was true. If Alice said the wrong thing and I flipped, the night would be ruined.

"Bella, I know what your doing.. You're avoiding them." Edward said while looking right through my eyes. It almost gave me a headache.

"Oh really? Why do you say that?" I asked. I was trying to flirt so maybe I could not only avoid the rest of the Cullen's, but I could avoid this conversation.

"Bella, eight months ago you would be excited to see the family." Edward laughed proving his point. While he gave me a smirk like he knew all.

"So? People change. I'm more independent now!" I laughed right back at him, giving my own sort of smirk.

"Okay, just be ready at six so we can leave. Agreed?" Edward said. Raising his eyebrows.

"Ehh, We will see." I said walking down the stairs to the living room.

I sat on the couch, with my laptop in hand. I decided to check all of the social networks. Facebook, Twitter, as well as my e-mail. Nothing new on Facebook, or twitter. How surprising, HA!

1 new message! I though to myself that it was from some company, but to my surprise it was Alice.

_Hey Bella, sorry I haven't returned any of your e-mails. You know how moving is, I needed to do tons upon tons of shopping, furniture, clothes and décor. I've just been busy. I as well as the rest of the family are looking forward to see you tonight! Maybe we can make plans to go shopping? Thanks for reading, you don't have to reply. I Will see you later. -Love Alice._

"Bitch." I said to nobody in particular.

"Whoa, what's wrong with you?" Edward said curiously.

"Ugh, Alice sent me an e-mail. And I think it's complete bullshit." I said shutting the computer.

"Can I read it?" Edward asked.

"Sure." I said handing him the computer. I waited a few moments before he started to laugh.

"Please tell me you think that's shit." I said seriously.

"I got to say, this is not an e-mail Alice should be proud of." He laughed.

"Edward, it's not funny!" I snapped.

"Bella, relax. She didn't mean any harm by it. She was probably trying to cover her ass so it wouldn't be as awkward tonight." Edward said assuring me.

"Whatever. I don't even want to go after that." I said.

I didn't want to go in the first place. The only reason we are having this shin dig is so we can pretend like nothing ever happened, and everything can go back to normal. It never will, we just have to forget about it.

"Bella, I don't want to force you. But it would mean a lot to me if you go. Please go?" Edward asked.

"Fine, I'll go. But just so you know, you guilted me into this. This is a guilt trip." I said pretty much as impolitely as possible.

"If you really don't want to go you don't have to…" Edward said.

Yup, this was a guilt trip. Whatever I don't even care anymore.

…

Four hours later

FBJS9

…

BPOV

"Isabella, are you ready?" Edward asked knocking on the bathroom door.

"In a minute." I said taking one last look in the mirror.

My hair was down and it looked better than it did in months. I even took the time to put on a little make up. I was wearing a black skirt that started a little above my waist and ended a little before the knees. I wore a blue dress shirt that tucked in and showed very little cleavage. Where the skirt ended had a belt to accent it. As well as some flats to wear with them. I never thought that clothes would be my thing. But then again, Alice bought this for me months ago. Might as well wear it.

"I'm ready." I said walking out of the bathroom only to see Edward eyeing me up and down.

"What?" I asked kind of confused as to what he was doing.

"You look amazing." he said hugging me around the waist.

"So Beautiful." He whispered. Making me blush. A lot..

'Thanks.. Can we get this over with?" I asked.

"We will be there for at least two hours. Please don't ask to go home. The answer will be no every time. Just let loose and have fun." Edward said grabbing my ass before we descended down the stairs and out to his car.

"I plan to buy a new one. I promise." Edward said as wee were going down the road towards the mountains.

"Haha, we should get tinted windows. Those are pretty cool!" I said with a smile.

"Anything you want." Edward said taking my had in his.

We drove all the way up in about ten minutes. Edward took his time I could tell, instead of speeding he actually followed the limit. Now going down his driveway, I felt my nerves kicking in. I was about two minutes until I see, the Cullen's..

"Do you need a minute?" Edward asked when the car was in park.

"An hour maybe?" I asked hopeful.

"No, but we can wait a bit if you need to." He said with a small laugh.

"Well we might as well go in." I said unbuckling.

"Alright, please try and have a little fun?" Edward asked as he got me out of the car door.

"I will try. No promises." I laughed.

We walked up to the entrance. I took one deep breath before the door opened and the first person I saw was Esme.

"Hello Bella! It's nice to see you again." She said just as sweet as I remember. I couldn't help but have a genuine smile on my face.

"Hello, it's nice to see you too." I said.

"Well guys don't just stand there! Come on in!" She said opening the door wider.

Edward and I walked in hand in hand. Somehow my nervousness from before was gone. Maybe it was because in the short time I have known Esme she has become a mother figure. I saw her more than my biological mother, and even in that short time, she is twice the mom Renee ever was in sixteen years.

"Come on Bella, let's go see the rest of the family." Edward said leading me to the dining room.

Before I knew it I was in the sight of all seven of the Cullen's. I was looking at them, obviously nothing has changed. They didn't age. That was the reality of the situation, and I accepted that a long time ago, but this time it annoyed me.

"Bella! You look amazing! Is that the outfit I bought you a long time ago?!" Alice said to me. Yes, I might say some regretful things tonight.

"Thanks, Actually I think it is." I said to her. Trying to let out a laugh, but it came out a little on the bitchy side.

"Well.. Anyways, it looks great! We thought we could have a relaxed night, so we ordered you Chinese, it's in the kitchen already." Alice said, taking me from Edward and brining me to the room about twenty five feet away.

I grabbed the plate with the food on it and carried it to the living room where everyone was already sitting. I sat by Edward and Emmet.

"Belly Bean! Damn, I missed you! Glad to have you back." Emmet said putting his arm around me making Edwards face turn to jealousy. When Emmet picked up on that he brought his hands back to himself.

"How could I not miss you Emmet?" I lied. don't get me wrong I love him like a brother, but after a while I get fed up too.

"You better have missed me! Come on Rosie, aren't you gong to say hi?" Emmet said nudging Rosalie.

"It is nice to see you Bella." She said. Bitch, you were glad I was gone and you know it.

"Nice too see you too. All of you for that matter." I said. Stretching the truth. I could just live on with Edward, Esme, and Carlisle. The rest of them for that matter can all get fucked.

Why I was growing to have a hatred to most of them was beyond me. Maybe because they never said goodbye. Or the fact that they bent down and kissed Edward toes when he decided to leave me. HA fucking HA. Always comes back to Edward.

"Bella, we are all glad you could make it. We can play board games and watch movies or something." Carlisle said breaking the ice to the evening.

"Let's watch a movie I guess, you guys can pick out one. I'm not that picky." I said forcing another smile upon my face.

I continued to eat while Emmet and Jasper were fighting over a Civil War documentary and a action movie featuring Tom Cruise. I wasn't listening too much. The food was pretty good though. I guess I am grateful for that. Chicken fried rice, wontons, and my favorite a fortune cookie. I ate the cookie last reading the fortune along with it.

"_Now these three remain, Faith, Hope and Love. Out of the three love is at the strongest."_

The cookie read. As if, I swear Alice did that on purpose. Manipulative bitch. After bitching in my head for a few more minutes, Emmet finally won and we were watching some dumb movie. I excused myself to take care of the plate and get some fresh air.

The night was not very cold and the trees were still beautiful. Looking at the stars and just being dark out made me genuinely happy. I was happy enough to forget I was here to see Edwards family and just looked around. Soon my happiness was destroyed, Rosalie walked out to see me.

"What are you doing out here?" She asked. She was acting rather nice.

"Just looking. Too much is going on inside." I said honestly.

"I get it. I just wanted to make something clear.." she said to me.

"What's that? You hate me and all that. I know, you don't need to tell me." I snapped. I kind of felt bad after, maybe I was wrong.

"No, not that. I don't hate you Bella. I just feel like you are in a rough place. And I wanted you to know you can always talk to me." She said. That was weird.

"Why? You never gave a shit about me before all of this. Why now?" I asked.

"It's not that I never gave a shit. Bella, I don't think you understand why I act the way I do. It's not intentional believe me. Bella.. I don't know how to say this. But I'm envious towards you." She flat out said.

"Envious? that's the most fucked up think I've heard all night." I laughed.

"I'm serious. Bella, you get to live a normal life, and grow up. I won't ever get that. I along with my family are frozen in time." She said. I fee; like she was surprised at my reaction.

"Ugh, did Edward send you out here to say that? You can go back in and tell him, being one of you guys is the least of my worries at the moment." I said blowing everything she said off. It sounded like shit to me anyways.

"Edward didn't send me out here, this is just something I felt like I should say, but if you want to be a little bitch about it fine." Rose said walking off.

"Wait! You felt like you should say it? Does that mean you didn't even mean it? Walk away. I can't even look at you." I said as she walked right out.

I huffed for a minute, Edward didn't come out. I guess he was letting me solve this on my own. Well, I was told to talk about me feelings so I might as well. Who knows it might solve something. I walked back into the room to see everyone but Rose watching the movie.

"Um, I.. Edward can I talk to you?" I said with pleading eyes.

"Yeah, lets go upstairs." Edward said walking me step by step to his room.

"What's wrong?" He asked a look of concern all over his face.

"I want to go home. Now. I am about to explode, and I don't want to be rude to your family in their own home. Please can we go?" I asked practically begging.

"Bella, Let's finish the movie and then go." Edward said grabbing my hand gently, trying to get me to go downstairs.

"No, I'm not finished here. You heard every word Rose said to me. And you know that's shit. So please lets just go home. I'm exhausted." I tried again.

"After the movie. Alright?" He said looking for a facial expression on my face.

I didn't say a word as he walked me back to the living room where now Rose was sitting beside Emmet. I glanced in her direction only to just look away. _Bitch.. _I thought.

I didn't even pay attention to the movie as my head was spinning. I was mad and happy. And emotions were everywhere. After a few more minutes of this I felt sick. My head started to hurt and my knees felt weak. That was odd I was sitting. Why were my knees weak?

I ignored the way my body felt, but the uncomforting feeling was getting worse by the second. By now my head was pounding even harder, and my vision would blur. _Maybe I should tell Edward.. _I thought.

Finally the movie was over. By now my stomach was queasy. My head felt even worse. I'm so happy to go home.

"We need to get going, We will see you all soon." Edward said nudging me softly waiting for me to say something.

"Oh, Yeah, Thanks. I had fun." I smiled.

"See you soon Bella. You are welcomed anytime." Esme said giving me the motherly hug I once craved.

We left and were in the car. I never felt more relieved in years. Somehow I was feeling a little better, but ,y stomach was still uneasy. Maybe it was a bad reaction from the Chinese. Or I was getting sick. Lovely.

"Edward, as fun as that was. I am SO glad to be home!" I stated in all honesty.

"I can tell." Edward said sort of pissed off. No actually he was pissed off.

Whatever. I went upstairs to undress and change for the night.

Clothes in the hamper makeup washed off. Hair in a pony, and warm under my sheets. My favorite time of day. Edward was downstairs he didn't even come up. I wonder what crawled up his ass? Do I even care right now?

"_Edward?" I asked out loud. "Where are you?" I asked._

"_I'm gone Bella." I heard in his voice. Edward not t be seen anywhere._

"_Where are you?!" I asked more frantic._

_My stomach dropped. It felt like relief. He was gone._

"_Bella. I'm so sorry." I heard in a whisper._

_He was.. Gone. _

_I walked out of the woods, where I see my truck. It was old and worn but it would always get me from point A to point B._

_I felt compelled to go to the Cullen's. It was like a force was pulling me there. I drove thought the hills as I was already on them. And no drive way. At all. Trees blocking what one was there before. Was I dreaming?_

_I got out of he truck, music playing all around me. It was Edward song. Well it was my song. Where was the music coming from?_

_So pretty. I thought._

_I walked throughout the woods and where the house that belonged to vampires was not there. Nothing._

_Nothing at all. _

_I walked to the middle of the lot. It was cleared and instead of dirt there was all grass. I heard rustling in the bushes that made me look around._

"_Edward?" I asked._

_Nothing._

"_Alice, Esme?" I asked._

_Still nothing._

"_Someone?" I said like a question._

"_So sorry Bella, I love you." was Edward voice again._

"_Are you gone?" I asked. I was feeling nothing._

"_I'm sorry." he whispered._

"ISABELLA! Wake up!" Edward yelled.

"What? What are you doing? Why did you wake me up?" I asked. Way to piss me off.

"You were sweating, and wincing. Did you have a nightmare?" He asked.

"No I don't think so… I am fine. Can I go back to bed now?"

"Yes baby, I'll see you in the morning." Edward said kissing my forehead as I fell back asleep.

…

FBJS9…

I awoke and the curtains to my window were open. Bastard. I hate sunlight in the morning. I got up to shut them before going downstairs. Where I saw a note from Edward.

Bella, I went hunting, I will hopefully be back before you wake- Love Edward

Well I am up now! I thought to myself. I took this as a perfect opportunity to go see my old friend Jake.

Dressed in jeans and a pullover I got my keys and my phone, and was out the door in five minutes.

I was half way there when the thoughts cluttered my mind.

Shouldn't you tell Edward where you are going?

Edward will be worried.

You love him.

Jake is not good for you.

Turn around.

Then the other side to my thoughts over powered what I thought before.

Edward doesn't need to know where you are.

Edward will be just fine

He left you.

Jake is more fun.

Within the next five minutes I was at the reservation pulling into Jakes driveway.

"Hey Bells, haven't seen you in a while! Where's your blood sucker? He let you out of the house?" Jake teased.

"Sorry, I have been busy. And he's out hunting, He doesn't know I am here. How did you know they were back?!" I asked.

"I am a werewolf! I know can tell is there's a bloodsucker fifty miles away!" Jacob Said.

"So true.." I said as Jake suffocated me from a hug.

"Well anyway I'm glad you stopped by. Wanna see the new and improved motorcycles?" Jake asked me.

"Yeah! Lets go." I said as Jake lifted me up over his shoulder to carry me there.

"I can walk you know!" I yelled at him.

"Wouldn't you rather be carried anyways?" Jake asked. What a loser.

"Whatever Jake! Were in the garage now, you can put me down.." I said.

Jake put me down leading me over to the bikes we worked on three months ago. They looked twenty times better than last time. I think he got anew paint job, I will have to ask later.

"I completely re built the engines! They are so much faster now." Jake said proudly.

"Can I try it out?" I asked excitedly.

"No way! Do you remember last time you rode these baby's?" Jake asked, he sounded pissed. But I know he was just kidding.

"Come on! Your not my dad, you cant stop me!" I said laughing at him.

"No, But Edward can. I'll go call him up!" Jake teased.

Asshole. Edward had no control over me what so ever. Whatever, he is just kidding anyways. I think.

"Yeah, okay! Because I listen to what ever Edward says…" I mocked at him.

"You do! I shit you not, he has his hooks in you so deep!.." Jake said.

"… you would have been better off with me." Jake muttered, not realizing he was loud enough so I could hear him.

"Excuse me? How would I be better off with you?" I asked.

Every time I hung out with Jake this happened. He would go off about how Edward is no good for me. I swear to god he was happy when Edward left. It was like he thought he had a chance. In a way he might have. Although, Jake is like a brother to me. I can't picture him that way.

"Bella, do you not even realize that I love you? I am a better choice. I breathe, I eat, and I sleep. I'm human Bella." Jake said.

"Jake, you know I love you. Just not like that…." I said letting him down easy.

"NO! Bella, you feel something for me, And I don't know why you try to hide it… What else can I say to win you over?" Jake said. He was practically pleading that I love him back.

"Jake, this isn't about winning me over. I am a person, I can't be won. And the love I feel for you and Edward are two completely different things. I love Edward. As in I am 'in love' with him. You are like my brother Jake, can't you see that?" I asked.

I love Jake, I do. But I love Edward. Nothing will ever make me fall out of love with him. Not even Jake.

"You are in love with me too…" Jake said.

"As a brother! Jake, when will you realize 'we' won't happen? Ever. Please, accept it.." I said.

There is nothing more I can say to get through to him.

"Bella, if Edward would have waited one month. One month! We would have been together. I only needed one month to make you realize how perfect we are for each other." Jake said.

He thought he knew it all. I couldn't believe him. It was like he thought he could have me, like I was an item. He knows how I felt about Edward and the fact that he thought eight months apart could change everything, its just.. Wrong.

"No, even if he would have come back in three weeks I would have gotten back together with him. Even if I were with you." I said. It came across bitchy, but I'm running out of ways to get the message across.

"Really? Some how I don't believe that." Jake laughed.

"And why not? You know what, don't even answer. I'm going home, and this is the end of this discussion. See you around Jake." I said.

Seeing Jake act this way towards me, I wanted to cry. I had no feelings for him. It will just never happen and that I can promise. The way I am with Edward is unlike anything have ever felt. I know that for a fact. People around me see it.

"Bella wait!?" Jake yelled after me causing me to turn around.

"Jake, I'm don't with this, we will never be anything. Ever. Get over that idea of us!" I pleaded going to turn myself around to leave.

"You don't know that! You won't even give us a chance…" Jake said.

Fuck. As good of a point as that was, I just don't see myself with him. And at that note I left the reservation heading home.

Jake called after me but I got into my truck and sped off. I knew coming was a bad idea in the first place. Hopefully Edward was still hunting and I wouldn't have to face the wrath of him.

Before I went home I went to the local café to get a coffee to go. After that I made my way to my house. Edwards car wasn't there yet, but then again that didn't mean anything to me.

I unlocked the door to find it already unlocked. Maybe I just left it like that , I hope so.

"Where were you Bella?" Edward asked with a knowing smirk.

Bella, think. Lie? No that wont end good for you. Just tell the truth! Yeah, because that will defiantly end good…

"I was at the reservation." I said moving past hi to put my coat away, Edward short to follow.

"I know that, to see Jacob I assume?" He said, not actually knowing what happened.

No, I just went because I like the crafts they make. So stupid he was..

"Yes, to see Jacob. Is that okay?" I asked in all curiosity.

"Well, I can't necessarily stop you. I can, but I didn't even know you planned to go.." Edward said with a small chuckle that took a lot of focusing to pick up on.

"I didn't plan to. It was a spur of the moment thing. But don't worry I wont be showing my face there any time soon. We had an argument.." I said hopefully to get him off of my back.

"Well I would like to know when you go next time… And why did you argue?" Edward asked with a smirk. He liked when me and Jacob were fighting.

"Because he was somehow convinced that I was in love with him." I said.

"Well, are you?" Edward asked.

I looked at him in shock. As if he would say such a thing..

"No wait, I didn't mean it like that. I meant you love him, just not the way you love me. Am I right?" Edward said. Way to be.

"Good cover up. And yes, but I am in love with you. I love Jake like a brother." I said explaining myself.

"I can see that.." Edward said.

I was confused, I figured this would be when Edward was mad at me or something along those lines. Was I looking for trouble in the first place? Did I do this to spite Edward. It seemed like I was but I couldn't figure it out. I guess lately I couldn't figure a lot of things out.

"Your not mad?" I asked.

"Yes, I wish you would have told me. And no, because I don't want to keep you from your friend.." Edward said blowing off the whole situation.

"I am glad to hear you say that, but I thought you would be mad.." I said honestly.

"Bella, something so simple as that would not make me mad." He said simply.

"Alright, I'm glad you were okay with that." I said still appalled at his reaction.

"Can you tell me next time you go to the reservation? I feel like that's fair enough." Edward said.

"Fair enough." I said as I walked upstairs to relax in bed.

Edward was downstairs. He never came up unless I was going to bed or if I asked him to. And I was grateful for that, that I could get space. I feel like Edward just stayed around to baby-sit me. In a way it was comforting. But I don't think I could live like this forever. Maybe at this point in my life, I needed it.

I am honest with myself, I am lost. And it will take a while to find myself again and get some stability in my life once more. Maybe I know what I wanted all this time searching. Maybe it's having a hard time coming out. Maybe I just can't dig deep enough to rally make me happy.

…

FBJS9

…

Authors Note: Thank you all for reading, One day early! Proud? Anyways the next chapter should be up next week on Tuesday. Once again thanks for reading and enjoy the rest of your week!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Apologies Turn Into The Truth, And The Truth Held A New Path

**EARLY CHAPTERSHORTCHAPTER**

**Authors Note: Well, since Bella is honest with herself I should be honest with myself.. I need to read over the chapter more than once to fix spelling errors and grammatical issues. So for that I apologize and am in the process of looking for a beta reader. If you are interested PM me. I will give more details below. Here is the next chapter thanks for reading. **

…..

FBJS9

…..

BPOV

It has been three days since my fight with Jake, and each day not a word from him. By this time expecting him to call or text me an apology was out of the question. I pondered calling him myself, and making the effort to move on and be friends again. Then I ask myself what I am sorry for. Maybe a few things I said were uncalled for, but in my opinion I did nothing wrong. Could it be the stubbornness in me?

I was starting to over think this fight. It seemed that my friendship with Jake meant a lot more than I thought. Even at times I think about apologizing to get it over with and go back to normal, more than I think about fixing things with Edward. Which was probably more important at the moment.

"Bella, you have been down for three days. Do you want to talk to Carlisle?" Edward asked.

"No, I think I'm going to see Jake I want to fix things and go back to normal.." I said honestly.

"Are you sure? I bet he will come around within the next day or so.." Edward said. I could tell he was trying to keep me away from him. Why was the question.

"Yes, I have my phone." I said grabbing my coat and walking out the door.

I drove the way to the reservation thinking about everything but what I was about to say. What should I say? I'm sorry for absolutely nothing, I just want things to be okay. Maybe him seeing me will bring out concepts of right and wrong.

I was finally at Jakes house. I looked into the garage to see nothing. So I made my way to the front door to have it answered by Jake. And for some reason I was happy, after all I was here to see him.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" Jake asked.

"I wanted to see you. I feel like I left abruptly the other day…" I said looking down at the ground.

For some reason I felt as if this conversation was awkward. In a way it was, but I feel out of place for some reason. I cant put my finger on my I feel like something is off. Perhaps it was the vibe I was getting from Jake, or possibly the fact that I wasn't close to him anymore. Either way, I was sad.

"You did. Did you come over to talk about things?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, if you want…" I said. While Jake grabbed my hand leading me to the garage. It seemed as if that was always the place where we had serious talks.

I sat upon the workbench that looked like it had been cleaned off while Jake sat on the hood of a junk car he was working on. The awkwardness in the room was growing my the second. Then I thought I should say something to break the ice.

"Well, I guess I am sorry for lashing out…" I said with an uneasy laugh to follow.

"Yeah, me too. Actually our fight got me thinking…" Jake admitted refusing to look me in the eye.

"About what? What's there to think about!?.. If you don't mind me asking.." I saved myself there. Personally I didn't think there was much to think about, but if he was thinking there was something on his mind. I know Jake to well.

"Bella, I'm just so confused…" Jake said. His eyes moved from one corner of the room to the other.

"Jake, I can't read minds. Please spell it out for me." I said.

At this point I was becoming concerned. Jake was always the time to have strong opinions and was overly blunt with everyone. As of now he is shying away from me, and speaking quiet. He sounds different. Yet I don't know what I mean by different.

"Bella, oh god this is going to be awkward… You remember how I said I loved you?" He asked. I was very worried as to where this conversation was going. Everything is in a whirlwind.

"Yeah I remember.. Jake just tell me the whole story. I will hear you out." I said. Hopefully the fact that I am going to listen to what he is saying will make whatever he has to say easier.

"Let me start from the beginning, I love you Bella I really do. But I am not in love with you…" Jake said taking a pause.

I see that something in Jake's face has changed, and I was terrified to find out. It could be anywhere from murdering a human or.. I don't even know, the possibilities are endless.

"Fuck it.. Bella I'm gay." Jake said. Bluntly. He threw it out there.

Gay? I didn't know how to react. A part of me wanted to hug him, and another part of me wanted to kick his ass for not telling me long ago. I knew that Jake being gay, might open new doors. I wanted to accept him and make him know that. And I doubted that would be hard at all. He is gay. He is my best friend.

"Please say something… I'm begging you." Jake pleaded. He sounded like he was going to cry. And I only heard that voice when his mom passed. He was defiantly serious.

"I love you Jake. It's okay, I will support you no matter what." I said.

Honestly by now I had formed tears in my eyes. I hopped off of where I was sitting, and my immediate reaction was to hug him. How else could I show my support? I would not judge him on his sexuality, it went against everything I was ever brought up to be.

Jake and I were embracing for what seemed like hours. After crying and hugging some more. We pulled away from each other to meet eye to eye.

"Why are you saying all of this now?" I asked.

"I only came out of the closet.. It means so much to have your support." Jake said squeezing my hand to show his gratitude.

"And I am glad you did. But I guess what I am trying to ask is what made you decide to come out?" I said.

My mind was filled with questions. I might as well ask the who, what, when, where, why, and how. But I feel like Jake has more to get off of his chest.

"I loved you. And somehow I knew I was lying to myself. The more I thought, the more I realized who I truly am. Yearning for your love was not what was missing inside of me. It was my sexuality. Somehow I was too blind to see it." Jake replied. Wiping the small tear rolling down his cheek.

"What made you see things clearly? Sorry if I am asking too many questions, I am just so.. Curious." I laughed. I don't know how else to put it. I want to know every single detail.

"Well, I guess I used you as an excuse. But before you get mad, I have my reasoning! You were the only person convincing me I was straight, and when I knew we would never happen. BAM! Everything clicked, and a whole new world that I never thought existed was introduced." Jake said.

Jakes smile was beaming. I never saw him this happy in years. All he had to say somehow clicked. It all made sense how he only ever wanted me, and then when he looked at a bigger picture, it was not me he wanted it was the feeling of being accepted into today's society.

Jake and I talked for hours until I realized it was seven o'clock at night! Jake and I said our goodbyes, and now we were looking at a new friendship ahead of us. I knew I was the only one to know, and Jake planned on coming out to everyone else as soon as he built the courage. He knew the rest of the tribe would accept him, the main reason being they always stuck together no matter what. It was the way it worked.

I made my way home Edward's car in the same place it was. I took the key out of the ignition and slowly walked up to the house. I opened the door and put away my shoes and my coat. I threw my keys on the counter and Edward was no where in sight.

"Edward?" I asked. The house was quiet and I was suddenly scared.

"Yes?" Edward asked appearing in front of my face.

"Fuck, you scared me. I missed you." I said hugging him.

"You were gone for a long time did everything go okay?" Edward asked concerned.

"Yes everything is perfect. Lets go upstairs, I have to explain something to you." I said leading him up to my bed.

This time I allowed Edward to stay in the room as I changed. He looked away out of respect as I expected him to. I guess he was old fashioned. Then again he was old fashioned about a lot of things.

I explained to Edward what Jake told me earlier in the day. I thought that Edward would laugh and make fun, but somehow he was just as accepting as I was. Then it clicked.

"You knew?! Why the fuck didn't you tell me?!" I asked angrily.

"One, if I told you, you would have called me an ass and said I was lying. Two, it really isn't my place to say anything. And three, I really don't appreciate your rudeness." Edward said sternly.

The way he talked to me made me feel like a child. But I guess it was his way of explaining.

"Oh, I see your point. Sorry.." I said with a laugh.

"I love you my sweet Bella." Edward said holding me close to him.

"I love you too. I have had a day of news, I think I am going to turn in early." I said yawning as I finished my sentence.

"I will be right here when you wake up." Edward said kissing my forehead.

Jake was gay, and Edward still loved me. I suppose that there was good in this world. Even if I feel like shit. Looking at the smaller things makes me happier than looking at every aspect. That's what I need to start doing more. Who knows maybe one day I can be happy.

**AUTHORS NOTE: Okay, I need a Beta reader! I am looking on ,but if a reader is interested and is not on Beta, I would be happy to do this through e-mail. If you are interested, I ask you to private message me. After I see you interest I will ask for a sample piece of your work. My reason for that being you are not hand picked by me and I am not able to see your qualifications. If I like what I see, we can work out an arrangement. And I can welcome you to team Jessicasinclaire09!**

**I hope to hear from you!**

**Thank you for reading, next chapter should be on schedule!**


End file.
